Ten years ago, my friend was told he should “get to work, chubby.”
Every day since, he has struggled with anorexia. He’s been hospitalized, and through more counselling than I can imagine, yet in all likelihood, the person who called him chubby has no recollection of the comment that has shaped an entire decade of Kyle’s life.
The human brain is a tricky bitch, and words hurt.
Because of stories like Kyle’s, and because of my own experience of clinging on so tightly to strings of words that no one else in a room would remember minutes later, I’m unabashedly nice.
I’m nice to strangers, nice to my friends, and nice to the guy who cut me off on the freeway. I have a million flaws, but I refuse to let hurting others be one of them. Because I’ve been there. I’ve been called crazy and I believed it. I’ve had comments made about my appearance that I can’t seem to let go of. And these words, thrown carelessly, have changed me. Now for the better, but for a long time, for the worse.
So when my manager at work began attacking my personality, I was hurt. When a costume I spent a fair amount of time creating was deemed inappropriate, I cried. And when I was told to stop interacting with my coworkers, and to become colder, I quit.
I’m finally in a place where I’m truly happy with who I am, and I wasn’t going to spend the majority of my week in an environment where I wasn’t allowed to be myself; in an environment where out of the blue, being nice was an issue.
So, feeling as though I’d lost, I cried when I quit. It seemed words had beaten me, and I was somewhat disappointed that I wasn’t able to tough it out. But a week away from that environment, I know I made the right decision, and if there’s a winner and a loser, I’ve come out on top. I’m not broken. I’m still me. And I’m heading to a new company where I have high hopes that will be accepted.
And if it isn’t, I won’t stay, because no one should be subjected to negativity in regards to who they are.
And more importantly than that, everyone should use their words wisely. As humans, we have a unique gift to speak with real emotion, in real time, and to feel deeply. And as humans, we are all so beautifully, intrinsically different. There is nothing wrong with music we each choose to listen to, the clothes we wear, or the amount of social interaction we prefer. There is nothing wrong with loving or hating Twilight. It is okay to be a jock. And it is fantastic to regularly wear a Canadian tuxedo and listen to punk rock.
And because of that, I will continue to be genuinely nice. To always leave situations that are hurtful before they take an important piece of me. And to always encourage others to do the same.
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I adore this.
Well I GRRRRRRR at your ex-boss.
But adore you being you. And you.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the power of words. And how pointless negativity is. This post is another reminder.
The world needs more people like you. I’m going to make an intentional effort to be one of those people.
Some people don’t understand the power of their words–and some do and use them as weapons anyway.
It’s of the utmost importance when dealing with anyone–big or small, young or old–to do so with kindness. If you must offer your opinions, do so with love as the foundation.
I’ve been hurt by words and it took years to break the grip of their control over me–but it was so wonderful to finally do so.
Thanks for posting such an important lesson.
“It is fantastic to regularly wear a Canadian tuxedo and listen to punk rock.”
Yes, yes it IS fantastic :) Having seen that firsthand, I completely agree with that statement.
Also, good luck today! And congrats on making a decision that keeps you true to yourself. You didn’t lose. They did. You won, because you stayed in line with who you are and what you believe. And that’s awesome :)
Sarah, this is great. Demanding respect for yourself is necessary. I had a run in with my boss last week in which my job was unrightfully threatened and my work ethic challenged. Of course, he said that wasn’t his “intention”, but regardless, the words he said hurt, and I let him know that that was not okay.
Do I know if he learned from it? I don’t. But if it continues to happen, no job is worth feeling less good about yourself. No relationship period.
You’re great!
Living life with intention – I like it! You’ve reminded me of a job interview I participated in over 16 years ago. I remember the company, the three representatives in that small interview room and me. I remember them grilling me. I remember thinking there was no right answer to most of their questions, rather they wanted to observe how I reacted to stressful situations. In short, they ganged up on me. At some point soon after that interview began, I promised myself I’d keep my head high, answer to the best of my ability and storm out of there madder than hell when it’s all over. I survived the interview, promised myself I’d never consider a position like that again and cackled outloud when I got a call later that week, inviting me to fly to their headquarters for the next round of interviews. I declined.