The thing about being an introvert is that you feel misunderstood more than anything.
Like when I’d rather spend a weekend at home reading new books, catching up on Big Brother or making my way through The West Wing. Going for a few runs, trying new recipes, and falling asleep before 11pm.
Some people say it’s “antisocial” and that makes me sad.
That’s when I feel misunderstood.
For some reason our society has decided that it’s not “appropriate” or “healthy” to want to spend time by yourself. We are encouraged to surround ourselves with people at work and then told we’re “boring” or “anti-social” if we don’t go to happy hour after.
But the thing is, I don’t consider myself antisocial at all. I love people. In fact, I spend 40 hours a week surrounded by people, listening to their stories. It’s one of my favorite things to do. Hearing where someone comes from, what they’ve experienced, and what they hope for in the future. When I feel that connection, my heart reflecting back their heart, I know that moment is real and I feel alive.
But when you spend your days listening, there are bound to be stories full of pain. Those are the moments where I feel broken. And when you have multiple painful moments, you begin to feel worn down and exhausted. So, when I have two days to myself, I need that time to recharge. I need to build up my energy. I need that time to let the stress from the previous week slip away so I’m ready to face it again.
It doesn’t mean that I’m depressed or that I need help. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with me. It just means that I’m an introvert.
Being an introvert means that my formula is one that requires more input than output. And that may be different from yours, but that’s okay.
Next time you find yourself spending time with an introvert, remember that it may not be easy for them. Remember that they may not have a huge social energy supply and that they may need time to recharge.
But it doesn’t mean they don’t like you, I promise.
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I hear that sometimes they just like to watch Full House and work quietly on some project.
Story. of. my. life. I’ve become this ambassador for introversion, telling people that NO it’s not the same as being shy, and YES I love being around people. I just get all the energy drained out of me by them at some point and need quality time alone to recharge.
you need to read this book – Quiet: the power of introverts – http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/
:)
The stigma (of antisocial-ness) is unfortunate as I feel that people often feel pressured to put themselves out there even when their minds are longing for quiet. The responses I would get from others would often through me when I’d tell them that I was traveling by myself. “BY YOURSELF?” As if, “are you crazy?” Experiencing things alone are a completely different practice, a different hand of emotions. My “lonely” self rather enjoyed seeing cette ville toute seule.
I really, really like this Ashley.
When I’m out with my friends I’m pretty fun, bubbly and I’m laughing all the time, yet somehow this brings a theory to those around me that if I say I’m staying in by choice, or doing something alone BY CHOICE, there’s something wrong. And that’s where I understand your frustration. Like, actually, no, I’m just recharging so that I can be that fun, outgoing girl when I do go out with my friends, and when I am at work with all my awesome coworkers.
And GOOD LORD, I love making cookies while dancing while watching Big Brother All. By. Myself.
I’m not sure whether I’m an introvert or a misanthrope. There seems to be a need to run, to fill each moment with social validation, as if we would cease to be if not seen or heard, like the falling tree in the uninhabited forest. Or the truth is too daunting, too dangerous to pursue or perceive. The unexamined life is not worth living, HD tells me, and I agree, I welcome your company, if not too frantic or vitriolic, but am well content with my quiet conscience and the business of occupying my place in the universe as fully and purposefully as I can. And cookies sound like a great idea!
Don’t let the extroverts fool you, we like our down/alone time to recharge too. I “plan” on spending Sunday in my quiet room reading, editing and not interacting with anyone.