You seem sadder. Less sure of yourself, understandably, but also less in tune with what you want because it all seems so far out of reach.
You seem to want even more than you did before, a longing for an upside to the reality you found yourself in right after what you thought was the start of something wonderful.
You seem to want it more, but believe in it less, and believe in it kind of like some people believe in spirits and afterlifes and unicorns; quietly and with indoor voices.
Your eyes betray you. Your eyes say you’re hurting. They say you feel betrayed and broken and not in the way that lives on your sleeve; in the way that lives inside of you and undermines your strength and desire to stand up for things. Your eyes dodge away and joke it off.
You don’t know how you got here, and that makes it hard to see how you’ll get out.
The world looks at you from the outside and sees that you’re down. They see your pain. Some of them revel in it, and you should ignore them. Some of them feel for you, and you should ignore them too.
You shouldn’t feel sadder. You shouldn’t doubt yourself.
You should remember that there’s never been a better time to be alive, ever.
That’s true even when it seems like it can’t be true.
Even when it seems like the world’s gone crazy.